Sense of Self
by angelrider13
Summary: Nemofic! Request from LittleMissMia123. A sense of self is hard for Rachel to maintain. But she will try for him. NemoxKaldur pairing.


**Okay! So this request was submitted by LittleMissMia123. Here you go Lil'Mi! XD**

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><p>Kaldur walked into the living room, book in hand, ready for a quiet moment to read with all of his teammates away. When he entered, he saw the room already occupied.<p>

Rachel sat on the couch, legs crossed, hands resting on her knees palm-up as if she were meditating. Her eyes were closed and her expression was peaceful. Silently, Kaldur sat down on the couch, leaving her with plenty of space so as not to disturb her. However, as soon as he sat down, Rachel unwound her body and put her head in his lap and Kaldur found himself looking down into a pair of bright, hazel eyes.

It had been two years since Rachel's first visit to the cave and after some persuasion, Batman allowed Mount Justice to become one of Rachel's retreats. She often spent time at the cave and would live there for weeks at a time. Robin was no longer required to be on the premises as Rachel was comfortable enough to be around the team without him, though he was often found around the cave anyway.

"Hello Kaldur," Rachel said.

Kaldur smiled. "Hello, Rachel."

Robin had given Rachel her medicine two days ago, so the effects were still active.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"Rachel was in Rachel's head," she said, curling into him, but keeping her eyes on his, "It is different when it is only Rachel. It is quiet. Peaceful."

Kaldur unconsciously began to run a hand through her hair as he opened his book. Rachel's eyes slip closed and she leaned into his touch. They sat in a content silence.

"Kaldur will take Rachel swimming later?" Rachel asked softly, voice heavy with sleep as her fingers curled into his shirt. "Rachel likes water. It's," she paused, yawning, "nice."

Kaldur's lips curved into a fond smile. "As you wish, Rachel."

Rachel smiled, her grip on his shirt going slack as she drifted off to sleep in Kaldur's lap.

*x*x*

Rachel wrapped her arms around Kaldur's neck in a light embrace as he scooped her up in his arms.

"Ready?" he asked.

Rachel nodded, a huge grin on her face as Kaldur stepped into the waves. He swam out until they were no longer touching the ground, Kaldur holding Rachel's head above water. They had learned the hard way that even if Rachel knew she was in water, she still couldn't go under; she would either forget to hold her breath of she wouldn't realize when she needed to breathe again. So as much as Kaldur wanted to show her what it was like under the waves, he kept her above them.

Rachel giggled, running her hand over the surface of the water as they drifted, letting the waves carry them. Her love of water surprised him; perhaps it was because she didn't get to see such a large body of water that often. But she would only go near the water if she was with him and he couldn't understand why, if she really loved it that much.

Rachel smiled up at him. "It is because Rachel knows that Kaldur won't let her say goodbye."

Kaldur suddenly remembered the conversation he had with the girl in his arms two years ago after she had almost drowned in the gym's pool. He tightened his hold on Rachel's slim body. "No," he said softly, "I won't."

Rachel's smile widened before she spread her arms wide in the water, laying down so her back rested on the water's surface. Kaldur shifted her so that his hands were around his waist and her legs were around his. Rachel closed her eyes, a soft giggle passing her lips.

"Rachel thanks Kaldur."

*x*x*

The team had just gotten back from a mission. It was successful in the end, but it had gone poorly. The only one who had come out uninjured was Conner, but even he was exhausted. As soon as their wounds had been treated, they had all been sent to bed.

When Kaldur opened his eyes, he immediately felt the dull ache of his bruised ribs fill his chest. He was in his room at the cave he noted as he sat up, wincing. He looked up and his eyes widened when he was met with Rachel's worried expression.

"Rachel," he said, his surprise leaking into his voice, "What are you doing here?"

Rachel didn't say anything, instead reaching out with one hand, her fingers hovering over his bandaged torso. She stared to lean forward, but after a quick glance at his face, she bit her lip and pulled back, bringing her hand to her chest.

For whatever reason, Kaldur felt as though some warmth left him when she pulled away. He was used to her closeness; her pulling away…it hurt. "I am fine, Rachel." He said calmly, trying not to let his confusion leak into his voice.

But Rachel must have caught some of it because her expression changed; her eyes widened and her lips were slightly parted as her brow drew together. She started to move toward him again, only to stop halfway and let her hands drop into her lap. Her eyes screwed shut and her lips pressed into a thin line.

Kaldur frowned, ignoring the shard of ice that seemed to lodge itself in his chest at her refusal to touch him. Something wasn't right. "Rachel," he said, gaining the girl's attention, "What is wrong?"

She looked at him with pain filled eyes. She pointed to her chest, running her hand along her ribs, before pointing to his chest. "Hurt," she said, her voice just above a whisper, "If Rachel touches Kaldur, he might break. Rachel does not want him to break." She looked terrified at the mere thought of it.

Kaldur immediately relaxed and he noted how some of the panic left her eyes. He smiled, taking one of her arms and gently tugging her to his chest. "It is fine," he said, "I will not break. You just have to be gentle."

Rachel's arms tentatively wrapped themselves around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "Gentle," she whispered, her warm breath fanning across his skin and sending a familiar tingle up his spine. A tingle he hadn't felt since Tula. But this one was different; he couldn't place it, but it wasn't the same. "If Rachel is gentle, she can hold Kaldur as long as she wants to?" Rachel's innocent question snapped him from his thoughts.

Kaldur smiled as he pulled her closer. "Yes."

*x*x*

Kaldur blinked up at the girl that was currently straddling his thighs, surprise clear on his face. Her small hands rested on his chest and her hazel eyes bore into his silver ones.

"Rachel," he asked slowly, "Is something wrong?"

Rachel's brow furrowed in confusion. "Wrong?" she echoed, tilting her head to the side. "Rachel is confused."

"About what?" Kaldur's voice ever patient.

"Rachel likes being close to Kaldur," Rachel said, "She likes to talk to him and hold him. She likes it when he tells her stories about Atlantis and when he takes her swimming." Rachel brought a hand up to caress his cheek and Kaldur felt himself flush. Rachel frowned. "But it is confusing because it is not someone else's emotion."

Kaldur blinked. "That would make it your own emotion, would it not?" he said, his voice steady even though his body was tingling everywhere Rachel was in contact with him.

"But Rachel has never had those before," she said, looking lost and confused, "Rachel as never…felt on her own. She has never felt for herself." Rachel looked like she was struggling to find the words to explain what she meant.

Kaldur reach up and gently took her wrist, pulling her hand from his face and placing it in her lap, keeping his hand over hers. She immediately looked at him, her expression completely open.

"That is normal, Rachel," he said. "Everyone has emotions, even you. Yours are just usually buried under the emotions of others, so you are not used to feeling them. It is natural to be confused."

Rachel nodded slowly, taking in his words. She was silent for a moment before asking, "Does Kaldur like Rachel?"

Kaldur blinked at the sudden question. "Of course I do," he answered without hesitation.

Rachel smiled, leaning down to kiss his cheek before she crawled of his lap and left the room, leaving behind a very confused Atlantian.

*x*x*

They were on the beach when it finally hit Kaldur.

It was late, the sun had already set and stars littered the sky. Kaldur and Rachel lay next to each other in the sand, looking up at the sky. Kaldur was telling Rachel all of the Atlantian legends that related to the stars and what he knew of the constellations. Rachel listened to the best of her ability, the effects of her medication having worn off days ago, using her grip on Kaldur's hand to ground herself. She would ask questions, ever the curious little girl at heart, as she pointed out stars. Kaldur would smile and answer with a story full of heroes, magic, and myths.

Kaldur would feel himself flush every time Rachel's hand would grip his a little tighter and feel the warmth bubble up in his chest every time she would laugh or smile. It was then that he understood.

He was in love with Rachel.

But he couldn't do anything about it.

From what he understood, Rachel wouldn't understand what it meant. Sure, she knew everything and could probably tell you exactly what you were supposed to do in situations like this, but she didn't know how to handle them when they related to her.

So Kaldur just smiled like nothing was wrong even though his heart beat painfully in his chest every time she smiled his way. It was better like this. For her at least. Kaldur knew Rachel was delicate; he refused to be the one who broke her.

The two fell into silence; Rachel ran out of questions and Kaldur ran out of stories. They simply lay in the sand watching the stars.

Kaldur was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Rachel roll onto her side to face him. He didn't notice the way her eyes bore into him, searching. He didn't realize that she could feel everything he was feeling at that moment: love, contentment…heartbreak. He didn't realize that she was now struggling to understand them and to sort out her own emotions from the endless sea raging within her so she could try to mend his pain.

He didn't realize that, even though she couldn't understand it, Rachel felt the same way.

So it still hurt when Rachel curled into his side and fell asleep.

*x*x*

Kaldur had no time to react.

At all.

He was taken by complete surprise.

So he just stood there, eyes wide, body frozen as his mind tried to process what was going on.

Rachel was _kissing_ him.

He was reading in his room when Rachel had walked into his room and sat next to him. He didn't think anything of it at first, but then he noticed that she was fidgeting nervously. When he turned and asked her what was wrong, she hesitated only a second before pressing her lips to his.

So now here they were, sitting on his bed, kissing.

After what seemed like hours to Kaldur, but was in reality only a few seconds, Rachel pulled away. She held his eyes for a moment before curling into a ball and burying her face in her knees. Kaldur blinked, staring of into space as his brain caught up.

He released a shaky breath. "Rachel…" he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. She jerked up under his touch, eyes wide. "Why did you…"

Rachel's expression became confused, her brow furrowing. "The Squire's feelings are strong…and Nemo's…feelings…they…..argh!" She grabbed her head in frustration, pulling at her hair and shaking her head back and forth. "Too much. Too much. Can't find it. Can't. It was there before. Gone now. Gone. Where did it go?"

Kaldur cautiously placed his hands on her shoulders. She flinched under his ouch, but didn't pull away. "Shh, Rachel, shhh. Calm down. What's missing? What can't you find?"

Rachel took a deep, shaky breath, releasing it slowly. "Nemo found them for the Squire. They were buried, just like he said they would be. Nemo found them, but then she lost them again." The girl looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Kaldur was puzzled before he remembered their conversation a few days ago. "Your feelings?" Rachel nodded. "Rachel just because you lost touch with them does not mean that they are gone." He said soothingly.

Rachel paused, looking up at him hopefully. "So that means that Nemo still loves the Squire?"

Kaldur's breath caught. "You…"

Rachel's eyes widened. "Is that bad?" she asked, an edge of panic in her voice. "Nemo found her feelings so she could give the Squire an answer for his. Is that bad?"

Slowly, Kaldur's lips curled into a smile as he pulled the girl to his chest. "No," he said, warmth welling up in him, "It is not bad at all."

Rachel pulled back to look him in the eye, her hazel orbs clearing. She reached up and brushed her finger tips across his cheek, smiling. "The Squire is happy," she said.

"Yes," Kaldur said, "He is."

And he leaned down to press his lips to hers.

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><p><strong>A little on the short side I guess, but I think it came out pretty good.<strong>

**As for the other requests, I will post them as I finish them. I am working on them, I promise!**

**~Elri**


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